There’s been a lot of talk about masculine and feminine energy lately. I was watching the Millionaire Matchmaker the other day and she was harping on the topic. “You have masculine energy!” she said, waving her arms around to gesture toward the woman. “Stop being the planner. You’re not in the corporate world, you’re on a date. Have feminine energy!”
Shortly thereafter, I had a similar conversation with a (guy) friend of mine. He was trying to give me wisdom on how to attract a man. “You should be more helpless,” he said. “Much more helpless. Guys like to rescue a woman.”
Helpless? I had heard that I should appreciate guys and let them know that I needed them – which I most certainly did. But helpless? I wasn’t sure if I could do that. I looked back at my friend. “Like really helpless? I sort of need to live here. Should I just let my mortgage payments go into default? Quit paying my bills? Like that kind of helpless?”
He thought a minute and slowly nodded his head. “Maybe,” he replied. To this day I’m not sure if he was serious.
I’ve thought a lot about it, and I’m not sure that guys actually want helpless. I mean, nothing says sexy like paying off a girl’s $80K credit card because she doesn’t know how to keep a checkbook and can’t stop buying Prada. Do guys really want that? I don’t think so.
I have a new theory. I don’t think guys want us to be helpless – I think they want us to appear helpless. It’s just like with makeup. I don’t think guys really want us to be “natural” and not wear any makeup – they want us to appear as if we’re being natural and not wearing makeup.
Guys, you don’t really want us to be helpless, right? Can you imagine the next 80 years with a girl who can’t do anything? That’s frustrating. This year a pipe in my house exploded and I had two choices: 1) Be helpless and let the house slowly flood while I called resourceful males or 2) Turn off the water main. And since a hot guy with a long water meter key and a penta socket wasn’t conveniently walking by, I decided to go with option 2. Dang me and my masculine energy.
So I’m just not sure I can afford to be helpless right now. But appearing helpless – that’s an entirely different situation. I can do that, and I’m pretty sure it will be just as good. So here’s my plan:
My new wardrobe for operating a chainsaw
From here on out, I’ll just wear wobbly stilettos, minimum 5 inches tall. Everywhere. (Tight mini-skirt and fishnet stockings optional). I will totter around and shuffle about and the masculine energy will fly right out the window. I will be able to do almost anything and still appear slightly on the edge of falling over. That way when I’m doing something decidedly resourceful and non-helpless, such as trimming the trees in the front lawn or painting the chimney, it will have a decidedly helpless feel to it.
Now when a guy drives by, instead of him saying, “Ewww….she’s using a chainsaw to trim that tree…what masculine energy – drive away! Drive away!” He’ll pull up to a stop at the curb and think “She’s doing something useful while painting that chimney, but oh wait…look at those poor wobbly stilettos! Maybe I should hang around in case she accidentally falls from the roof. This girl obviously needs me.”
And I’m pretty sure my story of romance will continue perfectly from there. And probably provide numerous amusing hospital stories. You’re welcome.
Seriously, there has to be another way to be the strong confident woman and still keep the feminine vibe going. As we women hit our twenties and thirties and find ourselves single, we often decide to buy houses and move forward with dream jobs. We’re faced with weird issues like fixing sewage drains in the middle of the night and traveling cross-country on business trips alone. We can’t actually be helpless anymore. We can’t afford to – financially or mentally. But know that we don’t need guys any less. And what we’d really like is a partner to help us through this crazy story of a life. The feminine energy is still there – it just looks more like a smiling adventurous woman and less like a fainting damsel. I promise. It’s true. And if you don’t believe me, I have a pair of shoes I can wear…
Kinda is an author, teacher, speaker, entrepreneur, and hopeless wanderer. Her favorite places in the world include Manarola, Italy, and Gimmelwald, Switzerland. In her free time, you can find her bargain shopping and hanging out at coffee shops.
I too had this issue, and then I discovered there were men that were man enough to deal with a self-sufficient woman and think she was sexy. I married him ASAP. ;-).
I do think stilettos are cute though, and come in handy when you need to jab the heel into an idiot’s forehead.
Bahaha! Kalan, I laughed out loud at that last sentence. Yes, I DO in fact love wearing stilettos. But probably not while running a chainsaw…;-D
Wow! I couldn’t agree more. Men, in general, appreciate a strong yet lady-like woman who makes us feel needed. I guess their helplessness (real or feigned) fuels our self-worth. Great Blog!!
Thanks Jason! I don’t think I’ll ever figure all of this out, but it’s an interesting topic to talk about 🙂
I’ve always been a very independent female…I thought about the helpless thing after being told men didn’t like me because I could change a flat tire…decided that I really stunk at it. I just became me and in walks Thomas…who found my independence attracting and comforting. I asked him why after we were married…he said, “if anything every happened to me, I wouldn’t have to worry about you”. Here’s to the independent female society – Kinda, your man will come. 🙂
I agree Melinda….it’s an attractive quality to be intelligent and independent…or at least to the guys that I would like to be with anyway 🙂 I have just found it interesting the different viewpoints that I have heard over the years, so I thought I’d throw this out there. Thanks for the encouragement…(and I need to learn how to change a tire!)