After signing several books and seeing more than a few “interesting” names this year, I’ve picked up on a few trends and not-so-trends. Plus I feel I have a bit more insight than I did this time a year ago.
So here is what I promise any future children I may have:
- I promise not to give you a name containing more than three consonants in a row.
- I will not give you first and middle names that both rhyme with your last name.
- I will not name you anything that could have an alternate sexual meaning. Before I name you, I will write down any potential name and pass it to a group of middle-school boys. If any of them start snickering, I will change it.
- If I name you after a car, it will only be one I would actually buy, such as Mazda or Honda
- I promise not to give you a name that would immediately confuse people as to your gender or intelligence.
- I promise not to give you a name that would easily be confused with a pet or anything that sounds like a stripper
- I promise not to name you Edward, Jacob, or Bella.
- I promise not to name you after any famous politicians, musicians, or movie stars that may soon be in rehab.
- And finally, I promise not to name you anything that is already commonly used as a verb or adverb
Whew. And if all else fails, I’ll just refer to one of my favorite best-selling books, Freakonomics – where they have fascinating studies correlating names to all sorts of things….income, decades, ethnic groups…..tons of stuff. I’ll just open the book to page 185 and pick the most popular name from each ethnic group. I’ll have a miniature little United Nations running around the house and I really think we could bring some harmony to the world.
Kinda is an author, teacher, speaker, entrepreneur, and hopeless wanderer. Her favorite places in the world include Manarola, Italy, and Gimmelwald, Switzerland. In her free time, you can find her bargain shopping and hanging out at coffee shops.
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